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I HATE JSR!!!
HE HAS NOW DELETED ME OFF OF HIS FACEBOOK AND REFUSES TO ANSWER MY CALLS, THIS IS GOING TO BE A TOTAL RANT AND I'M GONNA SEEM LIKE A COMPLETE BITCH AND PSYCHO LUNATIC SO IGNORE ME!

I am soooooo angry at this man right now I can not believe someone to be so RUDE! He is an ignorant lying BASTARD and deserves to be put down for the sake of human kind! I wouldn't care if he didn't want to speak to me again, all he had to do was fucking TELL ME!!!

There is no one on line right now for me to rant to so LJ is getting it, I have not felt this angry since he rang me after missing my Grandad's funeral! I want to scream, it's fucking nearly 7am and I'm in a house with silence and parents and I really can't vent my anger at the moment.

I'm trying to turn it into tears but it really isn't working that well and i'm determined to to let myself hurt myself by venting anger because of that total TWAT that I once went out with. Don't get me wrong I love men, and I love gay men, but that thing does not deserve to be called a man! and i refuse to classify him as a gay man simply because it would put a black mark against the rest of gay men all around the world to have him in that classification.

I NEED MY OLD LIFE BACK
Pre-James
Pre-engagement
Pre-broodiness

I wanna get my confidence back that he stole from me! I'm not me anymore and I hate him!
I HATE HIM!
I HATE HIM!
I HATE HIM!
I HATE HIM!
I HATE HIM!

THIS IS WHY IT'S BETTER TO BE ALONE, AND IS ALSO A REASON THAT WOMEN ARE BETTER THAN MEN BECAUSE THEY DON'T HURT OR CHANGE YOU WHEN THEY'RE WITH YOU.

I DON'T WANNA BE ALONE ANYMORE!!!
i can't face my life alone! He destroyed me and my independance and I can't seem to find it again.

Sorry for ranting, I managed to turn it to tears lol, I think i need to get some sleep.
I can't sleep -  insomnia sucks!


This is to James - written by me on 5th November, before I was upset!


I chose to hate you today.
I realised what you had done.
You killed the real me,
and ran when you saw the results.

I chose to hate you today.
A choice I've made twice before.
I know i'll change my mind again,
But for now i'm completely sure.

I chose to hate you today.
Amongst the explosions and fire.
Realized what i'd missed while with you.
I will not do that again.

I chose to hate you today.
I wish i'd never met you.
You showed me what i can become.
And what i became wasn't me.

I chose to hate you today.
You played me like a fool
You made promises and i listened.
All of them were lies.

I chose to hate you today.
I loved the wrong person again.
So now you're gone,
I'm left alone and afraid.

I chose to hate you today.
I want you to leave me in peace.
but i know that when i hear you.
I'll be laughing inside once again.

I chose to hate you today.
A choice i had to make.
My sanity is on the line.
I won't let you break me again.

I chose to hate you again.
A burning hatred inside.
I loved you more than life itself.
And you stole my life in return.
 

Not a great poem I admit, but made me feel better.

 
 
 
 
 
 
Any way I can extract my memories of him? lol Elise can have free run on him, I dnt care anymore. I found more important (money) issues to work on, before I get my phone and internetcut off. =S